{"id":25208,"date":"2022-04-20T13:58:00","date_gmt":"2022-04-20T17:58:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/?p=25208"},"modified":"2022-04-19T14:01:42","modified_gmt":"2022-04-19T18:01:42","slug":"a-writers-final-farewell-to-a-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/2022\/04\/a-writers-final-farewell-to-a-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"A Writer’s Final Farewell to a Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

Content warning: this review discusses assisted suicide .<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In an abstract sense, all of us probably have a sense of our ideal death: quick, painless, probably while sleeping, perhaps surrounded by family at the ripe age of 100. But in actuality, Americans are particularly averse to discussions of death and dying. Culturally, we are primed to the idea of \u201cfighting,\u201d and far too many families avoid necessary conversations about desires and wishes about the end until it is too late. \u201cIn the early 1900s, Americans lived in close proximity to the dead and dying,\u201d Rachel Ashcroft writes in The Week<\/em><\/a>. \u201cMost people died in their home, leaving family members to prepare the body. Historians argue that this changed when end-of-life care moved to hospitals and funeral parlors began looking after dead bodies. Death became far less visible. When people today view an open casket, the corpse is altered so as to hide the physical effects of death. This evolution from death in close proximity to death being hidden and painted over has fueled a tendency toward death avoidance which, when compared to many other world cultures, is a complete anomaly.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us struggle to imagine what preferences for our deaths might consist of, as beginning the conversation makes us acknowledge that death is inevitable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The other side of death\u2014what remains for the living, left behind\u2014is, most frequently, grief. Amy Bloom\u2019s new memoir is a study of grief, buoyed by prose that captures love between partners in a way I have rarely seen rendered on the page. \u201cI think I have more to say,\u201d Bloom writes as she describes her wedding ceremony. \u201cBut I can\u2019t. We are holding hands, pressed against each other, holding each other up. I whisper to him, Every day of my life, and he whispers to me, Every day of my life\u201d (222). <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

In 2019, Bloom\u2019s husband, Brian Ameche, was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s disease at sixty-six. He came quickly to the conclusion that he did not want to suffer the \u201clong goodbye\u201d of Alzheimer\u2019s, and decided to pursue assisted suicide. This is not an easy path in the United States: to meet the criteria of the nine states with right-to-die legislation, you must have proof from a physician that you have less than six months to live, as well as jump varying hurdles related to residency and autonomy (for example, being able to raise the glass with the medication to your mouth and swallow unassisted). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bloom documents the process they undertook to qualify Ameche for Dignitas,<\/a> an organization in Switzerland that provides the space and place to journey into death, without the same overly restricting laws that burden Americans seeking a dignified end. There are still rules, of course; Ameche and Bloom navigate securing testimonials from physiatrists and physicians alike, who can confirm for representatives at Dignitas that Ameche is not depressed nor being coerced into making his choice. <\/strong>\u201cBrian explains [to the psychiatrist] that he needs to be high functioning cognitively to arrange for an assisted suicide,\u201d Bloom writes. \u201cWe call it assisted, because we have not gotten used to the Dignitas\u2019 phrase \u2018accompanied suicide,\u2019 which sounds to me like an orchestra will be standing by\u201d (125). At every turn, Bloom is on a knife\u2019s edge between humor and utter disbelief at circumstance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bloom and Ameche are able to travel to Zurich just a few weeks before that window would have closed forever\u2014not because of Ameche\u2019s mental capacities, but because of the COVID-19 pandemic rendering international travel impossible. \u201cIt does seem that there\u2019s not a sentence I can write,\u201d Bloom notes, \u201cthat doesn\u2019t end with: and now he\u2019s dead.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was hesitant to pick up In Love<\/em> as a newlywed. I am superstitious enough to worry about inviting misfortune by way of acknowledging it. But when I stood under the chuppah last November and married my husband, I remember thinking about death. I chose to get married\u2014and to do so in front of our friends and family\u2014because I wanted to communicate my commitment to being with my partner until the End. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brian Ameche\u2019s End came earlier than anyone wanted, and yet he wrested control of the hand he had been given and died on his own terms. It is unfair to think of Ameche\u2019s choice as a kind of opportunity, and yet Bloom is such a skillful and honest writer that you cannot help but feel slightly relieved the Ameche was able to choose his last words, to feel Bloom\u2019s hands on his face as he closed his eyes for the last time. Selfishly, I feel like a better person\u2014a braver person\u2014for having gotten to know Ameche through Bloom\u2019s writing, for having to face the process of dying from start to finish over the course of 222 pages.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was hesitant to pick up <\/span>In Love<\/span><\/i> as a newlywed. I am superstitious enough to worry about inviting misfortune by way of acknowledging it. But when I stood under the chuppah last November and married my husband, I remember thinking about death.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":208,"featured_media":25482,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_EventAllDay":false,"_EventTimezone":"","_EventStartDate":"","_EventEndDate":"","_EventStartDateUTC":"","_EventEndDateUTC":"","_EventShowMap":false,"_EventShowMapLink":false,"_EventURL":"","_EventCost":"","_EventCostDescription":"","_EventCurrencySymbol":"","_EventCurrencyCode":"","_EventCurrencyPosition":"","_EventDateTimeSeparator":"","_EventTimeRangeSeparator":"","_EventOrganizerID":[],"_EventVenueID":[],"_OrganizerEmail":"","_OrganizerPhone":"","_OrganizerWebsite":"","_VenueAddress":"","_VenueCity":"","_VenueCountry":"","_VenueProvince":"","_VenueState":"","_VenueZip":"","_VenuePhone":"","_VenueURL":"","_VenueStateProvince":"","_VenueLat":"","_VenueLng":"","_VenueShowMap":false,"_VenueShowMapLink":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[4128,4129,4130,84,1003,741,207],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/mediamodifier_image-10.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pdW3k2-6yA","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25208"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/208"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25208"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25208\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25490,"href":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25208\/revisions\/25490"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25482"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25208"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25208"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/phpstack-562680-2277615.cloudwaysapps.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25208"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}